On January 23rd, I woke up to my water breaking around 7 am. I couldn't believe what was happening. In fact I didn't believe it. I got up and called labor and delivery and they told me to come in if I kept leaking water. Well, I sure did. It doesn't stop coming after it breaks! I was 13 days early and wasn't expecting it. I had hoped but, didn't think it would happen. Since I was growing a very large baby the doctors advised me to have a C-section. As soon as we got to the hospital I sat down in the wheel chair I started bawling my eyes out. I was terrified of everything. Surgery wasn't something I had experienced before. We waited for about 2 hours for the doctor to be ready to operate and the entire time I was very nervous and emotional. They wheeled me down to the operating room and it was like I was in a movie laying there looking up at all the doctors and nurses in their masks looking over me. Troy had to wait outside as they prepped me and that's the first time I saw a bit of fear in his face. They handed him this suit and said put this on and we will come get you. I could tell he was nervous as he kissed me and they wheeled me away. They moved me from a huge hospital bed to this tiny operating table, I was afraid I was going to fall off. It was freezing in the operating room I was shivering as they stuck the needle in my back to numb me. It happened quickly and before I knew it they had laid me back and starting to cut me open. Troy walked in a few seconds after the initial incision and was right by my side. He made the mistake of looking over the sheet and I watched his face as he stood up and it was pure terror. He turned white as a ghost and sat back down. I thought he was going to pass out. He had seen them pulling her by her head out of me. He told me that later and I doubt he will ever do that again. It took two minutes from the time they cut me open to the time she came out. Scout Joyce Miller was born at 12:34 pm. She was 10 pounds 14 ounces and 20.5 inches long. She was huge a baby with lots of black hair. I was expecting a blonde haired blue eyed Gerber baby. Honestly, she looked Chinese because, she was so swollen and puffy. I called her my sumo baby for at least two weeks until the swelling went down. The rest of that day was a blur of vomiting and napping. After getting some rest I was finally able to bond with my baby. People had told me you won’t know what love is until you have a child. I never believed that until now. There is no love like this. I have never been so connected to anyone. She is my everything and I couldn't be happier. We were in the hospital for quite some time regulating both or our blood sugars. I have type 1 diabetes and I sure that is why she is such big baby. Both of our bodies had to adjust to being apart. She had been producing extra insulin to help me out so her sugar levels were extremely low for the first 24 hours. The nurses were wonderful and we were so pleased with our hospital stay. After we got home we moved our guest bed to the main floor since I couldn't walk up the stairs. The next 2 weeks were amazing. It was me Troy and Scout in our own bubble. Learning and adjusting to being parents. I was in a lot of pain from the C-section but, it was all worth it and I would do it all over in a heartbeat.
I am the mama bear; I grew her in my belly for nine months. Don't mess with me! I am seriously considering buying Scout a onesie that says "My mom doesn't want your advice." Now don't get me wrong, I love advice and sharing pregnancy experiences with my friends and family. However, if I have only met you a couple of times and you message me to say "Put your daughter in the window sill to help with her red skin I am going to get irritated." I didn't give birth to a house plant, the doctors checked her levels... oh and she is my baby! Yes, I am a new mom but, I will figure it out. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time.
There is something that happens after a woman has a child. We become all knowing and naturally aware of how to care for our little blessings. Maybe, we don't know specific details like how to store breastmilk but, that is learned. I mean there is a maternal side that kicks in. We just know how to bounce, soothe, rock, comfort and provide for them. This instinct can also, makes us very defensive. Well, it makes me defensive anyhow. I feel my chest puff up and my feathers get ruffled when people question me or give me that look like oh... "You're on her schedule." Yes.. Yes.. We are on our baby’s schedule. That works for us. If she wakes up we tend to her. Just because you set an alarm every two hours to feed your baby doesn't mean I am going to . We do what's best for us. Breastfeeding not your thing? Well it's my thing and I tried damn hard to supply enough to feed her. So If I decide to nurse passed a year, so be it. It doesn't bother me so it shouldn't bother you. Oh, and DON'T wake our sleeping baby. If she is sleeping it's because she is tired. She is not hungry or she would be crying. So let her be. I know she is cute and you want to hold her but, you can when she is awake. Keep in mind while my precious baby is sleeping I am going to try take a shower, scarf down some food and maybe do some dishes so for the love of God don't wake her. Not only is becoming a mother new to me but, I just gave birth so I am emotional, overtired, and probably a bit crabby. So if you offer some suggestions, please make sure I asked for them or at the very least make sure we are close enough that I would appreciate it. The best advice I have ever received was to respond to the naysayers with this. " I am glad that worked for you but, I will be following my motherly instincts. So thanks but, no thanks. I have got this. My instincts are pretty spot on.