If I had to describe becoming a mother in one word, that word would be Joy. Pure and absolute Joy. That is what Scout gives me everyday. I still stare at her in awe and every new thing she does makes my heart melt. It is an overwhelming feeling to have a child. I have so much pride in her. To see her growing and learning is amazing and knowing she is half of me and half of my husband is astounding. The biggest thing I have learned in becoming a mother is to throw all your expectations out the window. Don't have expectations for anything because, nothing will happen the way you think it will. From pregnancy, to your birth plan, to what your baby will look like. Nothing will go as expected.
I remember thinking I was going to gain about 30 lbs and love pregnancy and be this hippy dippy glowing pregnant woman. Well boy was I wrong! After packing on 50 pounds I was no longer glowing.... I was bursting! My body looked like it could split open at any moment and I was miserable. While pregnant I would imagine what Scout was going to look like, I pictured a blonde haired blue eyed Gerber baby. What I got was a giant almost 12lb sumo wrestler baby! I remember looking over the sheet while laying on the operating table as they held up this giant baby with jet black hair and I thought to myself, that's not my baby! They have the wrong baby. But, no that was her, all swollen and chubby... which was not what I expected but, perfect none the less. I also, didn't expect to be in so much pain after the C-section. I heard it wasn't too bad...wrong again. I didn't expect to have to stay in the hospital for 5 days to regulate mine and Scout's blood sugars, I didn't expect breastfeeding to be so incredibly hard. The list goes on and on. For some reason I had it in my mind things would go a certain way and they didn't. But, that is motherhood. I have learned that nothing goes the way you think it will and that's okay. I have learned to take things as they come and roll with the punches.
I also didn't expect my world to change so drastically is such a wonderful way. I didn't know that becoming a mother would make me so selfless and loving. Being a mother makes me want to be a better person, a gentler more caring person and that's a beautiful thing. I didn't expect to love so fully that it oozes out of my body. I didn't know that laying forehead to forehead breathing the same air as my daughter would be something I would cherish so much. I didn't know that crying because, you have so much love for someone is something I would do. I didn't expect to have this magnitude of love for someone else. There really are no accurate words to describe motherhood but, be sure to throw your expectations out the window because, I can assure you they will be blown away.
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